A lot of people have said that the Mistress/slave
relationship is about me getting what I want. This confuses me.
In case you haven’t read before, I’ll mention that I’m a
pretty novice Mistress and that I might not be a Domme if my husband weren’t so
very submissive. In other words, I’m a Mistress because my husband wants to be
a slave. Do you see the contradiction yet?
As we reach the end of our first full month of continuous
Mistress/slave living, I’ve tried to establish boundaries in my own mind. My
slave repeated to me something he found in a blog (I unfortunately don’t know
which one, or I’d give credit): That safewords aren’t necessary between a
married, committed, loving Domme and sub because they know each other well
enough, communicate well enough, and trust enough to know when enough is enough. Thinking back to a conversation we’d
had in the shower that morning, I completely agreed.
My husband, like most submissives, tends to respond to an orgasm
by retracting all of his previously stated fantasies. Before an orgasm, he says
he wants to be locked in chastity for a year straight; afterward he’s certain
he isn’t quite ready for anything more than a week. Before an orgasm, he’s
aroused by the idea of being forced to eat his own cum; afterward he’s
disgusted by it and has no interest. On this particular day, that was the
matter at hand. He could tell that I was becoming more accustomed to the idea
of making him eat cum, though I’d been somewhat repelled by it when he first
mentioned it and had no intention of doing it. (I don’t even let him cum in my
mouth. I can’t help it; I find it disgusting. I wish I didn’t.)
As he watched me getting used to the idea, he became
nervous. “I know I don’t have a safeword,” he said that day in the shower. (I “took
away” his safeword, at his own instigation, during a bondage scene years ago,
before I really understood this lifestyle completely.) “But how will you know
if I really don’t want to do
something, instead of just being stubborn or embarrassed?”
“I think I’ll just know,” I said without having to think
about it at all. “You’re my husband. I’ll know the difference between ‘That’s
gross but it still really arouses me,’ and ‘That does arouse me, but I really
find it disgusting and I don’t think I want to do it again.’”
“True,” he agreed, and that was the end of that.
Lo and behold: the next night, after reaching a blinding,
exhausting climax using only my slave’s mouth and fingers, I decided he
deserved a reward. He had done a lot for me that day, sexually, emotionally,
and domestically. I was too sated to want to bother taking him inside me,
though, so I decided that he could jerk off. To balance this overly generous
gift (it was his second orgasm in one day), the caveat was that he would have
to taste his cum afterward.
The face he made when I put my cum-filled finger in his
mouth was comical. It was perfectly clear that this aroused neither of us. We
determined that I might do this again, but only in a highly dominant scene of
control and bondage. If he was tied spread-eagle, blindfolded, plugged in the
ass, and gagged, then it might be
arousing to force cum into his mouth through the gag. The atmosphere would be
the deciding factor, though.
I don’t really get
off on control. I just enjoy the perks of this female-led relationship. I enjoy
having great orgasms without worrying about his. I enjoy having help with the
housework. I enjoy getting back massages and brownies without having to ask.
But I don’t derive any real pleasure from controlling him simply because I can.
(My husband might disagree. And he might be right. That’s a debate for another
day, though.)
This seems very contrary to some of the opinions I’ve seen
expressed in various blogs and forums. I’ve noticed quite a few people—both dominant
and submissive—stating that the slave should never be able to say no to
anything, and that the complete power of forcing
unwanted actions like eating cum is essential to the D/s relationship. Forcing
J to do something for the sake of exercising my power, when he genuinely finds
disgusting and not very arousing, just doesn’t seem fun to me. Maybe that makes
me less of a Mistress.
I guess I am not much interested in definitions for now. I’m
interested in enjoying an unusual and special relationship with my husband.
Mistress K
Perfect! You don't answer to anyone but yourselves. There is no right or wrong way to do this. You will get many opinions on what you should or should not be doing. Process these, take ideas from them but at the end of the day whatever works for the two of you is what is right.
ReplyDeleteI'm in agreement with you that this is not only about your needs. This must be fulfilling for your slave too. As time goes perhaps he will have less input on things. This will make him nervous but is probably what he wants.
You seem wise beyond your years. Good luck with your journey and have fun! And lastly, here is one of those opinions. Get him a good chastity device. Once your "property" is secure things will blossom from there.
Thanks for the encouraging words! As to your advice...we're already taking it. He's measuring himself for a mature metal device right now!
DeleteHere is something the two of you might find interesting.
ReplyDeletehttp://devotionalsex.com/1outline.html
Remember there is no right wrong to do this, only the right way for you.