Reflections on Cum Eating and TPE

A lot of people have said that the Mistress/slave relationship is about me getting what I want. This confuses me.

In case you haven’t read before, I’ll mention that I’m a pretty novice Mistress and that I might not be a Domme if my husband weren’t so very submissive. In other words, I’m a Mistress because my husband wants to be a slave. Do you see the contradiction yet?

As we reach the end of our first full month of continuous Mistress/slave living, I’ve tried to establish boundaries in my own mind. My slave repeated to me something he found in a blog (I unfortunately don’t know which one, or I’d give credit): That safewords aren’t necessary between a married, committed, loving Domme and sub because they know each other well enough, communicate well enough, and trust enough to know when enough is enough. Thinking back to a conversation we’d had in the shower that morning, I completely agreed. 

My husband, like most submissives, tends to respond to an orgasm by retracting all of his previously stated fantasies. Before an orgasm, he says he wants to be locked in chastity for a year straight; afterward he’s certain he isn’t quite ready for anything more than a week. Before an orgasm, he’s aroused by the idea of being forced to eat his own cum; afterward he’s disgusted by it and has no interest. On this particular day, that was the matter at hand. He could tell that I was becoming more accustomed to the idea of making him eat cum, though I’d been somewhat repelled by it when he first mentioned it and had no intention of doing it. (I don’t even let him cum in my mouth. I can’t help it; I find it disgusting. I wish I didn’t.) 

As he watched me getting used to the idea, he became nervous. “I know I don’t have a safeword,” he said that day in the shower. (I “took away” his safeword, at his own instigation, during a bondage scene years ago, before I really understood this lifestyle completely.) “But how will you know if I really don’t want to do something, instead of just being stubborn or embarrassed?” 

“I think I’ll just know,” I said without having to think about it at all. “You’re my husband. I’ll know the difference between ‘That’s gross but it still really arouses me,’ and ‘That does arouse me, but I really find it disgusting and I don’t think I want to do it again.’”

“True,” he agreed, and that was the end of that. 

Lo and behold: the next night, after reaching a blinding, exhausting climax using only my slave’s mouth and fingers, I decided he deserved a reward. He had done a lot for me that day, sexually, emotionally, and domestically. I was too sated to want to bother taking him inside me, though, so I decided that he could jerk off. To balance this overly generous gift (it was his second orgasm in one day), the caveat was that he would have to taste his cum afterward.

The face he made when I put my cum-filled finger in his mouth was comical. It was perfectly clear that this aroused neither of us. We determined that I might do this again, but only in a highly dominant scene of control and bondage. If he was tied spread-eagle, blindfolded, plugged in the ass, and gagged, then it might be arousing to force cum into his mouth through the gag. The atmosphere would be the deciding factor, though.

I don’t really get off on control. I just enjoy the perks of this female-led relationship. I enjoy having great orgasms without worrying about his. I enjoy having help with the housework. I enjoy getting back massages and brownies without having to ask. But I don’t derive any real pleasure from controlling him simply because I can. (My husband might disagree. And he might be right. That’s a debate for another day, though.)

This seems very contrary to some of the opinions I’ve seen expressed in various blogs and forums. I’ve noticed quite a few people—both dominant and submissive—stating that the slave should never be able to say no to anything, and that the complete power of forcing unwanted actions like eating cum is essential to the D/s relationship. Forcing J to do something for the sake of exercising my power, when he genuinely finds disgusting and not very arousing, just doesn’t seem fun to me. Maybe that makes me less of a Mistress.

I guess I am not much interested in definitions for now. I’m interested in enjoying an unusual and special relationship with my husband.

Mistress K

Community

Before sitting down to write this post I cropped my slave. I bent him over the bed in his light pink panties and I smacked his ass hard and fast without counting. I didn’t crop him because he needed to be punished. I cropped him because I was anxious. I cropped him to relieve my own tension. I cropped him because I can, and because he reminded me that I can.

As I cropped my slave, my reasons for starting this blog multiplied exponentially in my mind. Five days ago I’d barely ever considered the extent of the online femdom community. I figured we would be lucky if anyone at all ever read my posts. I had read books of encouraging advice about becoming a Mistress, but I never imagined actually personally interacting with other women like me or other couples like us.

Suddenly I have followers. People literally around the world have read about my intimate relationship with my husband. It seems like that should scare me. My sense of self-worth as a wife, as a Mistress, and as a writer is now tied to what I’ve posted here. People will have expectations of me, will be disappointed in some of my thoughts and feelings, in what I do and do not write or tweet or comment about. More importantly, my husband is now interacting with this community as he has never done before, and I am seeing a different side of him. We have always moved slowly, growing into our roles of Domme and sub at my pace. Now he has nameless faces encouraging him, cheering him, and handing him suggestions and photos and links.

This is a bit overwhelming, but my excitement outweighs my nerves. As I channeled all my worry into cropping my sissy slave, I realized: I would write about this cropping. And people would understand it. With complete nonchalance and approval they would accept that my husband and I both desired that little exchange of pain—something I still struggle with. Many of them would also empathize with my conflicted feelings. They might comment and tell me that they’d been through the same thing as novice Mistresses, or that they still feel that way now, or that they (as slaves themselves) can reassure me that my slave enjoys it as much as he claims.

In any case, this blog is clearly accomplishing one of its primary goals already: to help us explore this facet of our relationship more deeply. To keep him from bombarding me with new ideas too quickly, I have ordered my slave to keep a notebook of thoughts and desires inspired by his online interactions. I can look at them at leisure when I’m ready and indulge his desires in my own time. I have no doubt we’ll both be emboldened to try new things on a regular basis. Furthermore, I will feel more fulfilled as an individual using my writing talent in an honest and passionate medium; my slave will have an outlet and a support community for the desires he’s always experienced alone; and we will learn to trust each other more implicitly than ever.

I thank you, very sincerely, for reading and for sharing.

Mistress K

Mistress K: The Beginning

As I write this first blog post, my slave is in the kitchen, cooking me bacon and eggs with a black leather collar locked around his neck, wearing a frilly red apron and nothing else.

I am a college-educated, professional woman in my mid-twenties living in the Northeast US, and I married a submissive. He happens to be the only man with whom I’ve ever had a relationship. When we started dating, I didn’t know he was a submissive and I didn’t know I was a dominant. He did. That aspect of our relationship has evolved gradually over years of deepening love, trust, and respect. It has been a journey of discovery, worry, and excitement. I have learned many things about the spectrum of BDSM, primarily from my husband and the enlightening books he has purchased for me. 

I’ve had many questions over these last few years. If we became Mistress and slave, would the man I married turn into someone else? What if I took the control too far, and lost sight of our loving relationship—what if I hurt him, physically or emotionally? What if he wanted things that I simply wasn’t comfortable with, and he ended up unsatisfied with our sex life? 

When my slave suggested that I start this blog, I was excited as I’ve rarely been excited about anything before. First, because I am a writer, but I have never found a subject I could be passionate enough about to persistently write about it. And I knew that this would be that subject. Second, writing about our D/s relationship for an audience would allow me to explore it more deeply, from different angles. 

I want to share this journey with others who may share some of my experiences and concerns. I will talk about how we got to this point, and I will share my new thoughts and feelings as our relationship moves forward—because my husband and I still have a long life ahead of us, and my slave and I still have a lot to discover together. Sometimes my slave may write a guest post from his own point of view. Both of us have learned a lot from the writing of other people who haven’t been afraid to share their experiences as Mistress or Domme. Books and blog posts have helped us understand and accept our unique relationship. I want to give that back. Thanks to the Internet, I can! 

Obviously, this blog may not be for everyone. And not every post may be for everyone. My husband and I are into full 24/7 servitude (allowing for the requirements of real life and work, of course), bondage, chastity and orgasm denial, sissification, and pegging, among others. I don’t expect every Mistress and slave couple to share all of our preferences, nor do I necessarily enjoy everything you all enjoy. I am also not fully versed in the proper terminology for this scene, so excuse my mistakes as I learn. I assume no one reading this is the judgmental type. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Until next time,

Mistress K