Asserting Control

Dominating my slave is the surest way to lift my mood and reset my entire emotional landscape. I can go from feeling anxious, guilty, and uncertain to feeling confident, positive, and assertive just by looking down into his submissive eyes, cropping him, and stating categorically that I'll be denying him. This is true even if my anxieties had nothing to do with sex or our relationship.

Sometimes I can't imagine not being dominant anymore, even though it started out as a way to indulge my husband. Why, then, do I sometimes resist it?! These episodes are coming less frequently these days, but each time they occur, I question everything from the healthiness of a femdom relationship to my husband's happiness to whether BDSM is really classified as a mental illness.

A few days ago I reasserted my control a bit forcefully.

Before his father got so sick, J had some rules that I was beginning to enforce regularly regarding his personal health habits and his cock. I had relaxed these rules for a bit, but I decided it was time to reintroduce them this week, and I sensed that he was ready as well...but feeling rebellious.

The rules I speak of are these:
1. That he exercise four times per week for half an hour minimum;
2. That he absolutely avoid fast food; and
3. That he not play with my property without my permission, even if it is only to tease himself.

The first two exist for his health and my pleasure. I want my slave not only to look physically fit and appealing, but also to have the stamina to please me at length without tiring or cramping. And I want him around to serve me for many years to come, of course. Before we implemented these rules we discussed his feelings on my use of sex to control his eating and exercise habits. He confirmed that he didn't find it demeaning and could think of no better, more enjoyable way for keeping fit.

The third rule is to ensure that submission is always on his mind. He can't even touch himself without asking my permission. And I often say no.

This weekend I told J that these rules were effective immediately, when he'd thought he had another week or two of relative freedom. He protested. Strongly. He whined. He said, "But I thought I had until next week!" When I responded, "But why wait? I want you to start this week," he did not take this hint. He whined more.

I was displeased.

This was the straw that broke the camel's back, as I had already been irritated with him for persisting in his horny attempts to arouse me when I had flat-out told him I did not intend for us to have sex today, that I wasn't in the mood to be pleasured, and that I wanted to spend some quality time together out of bed.

Finally I brought out the crop. And I cropped him hard. And I explained forcefully, each sentence punctuated by a strike, that these rules are not about what he thinks or he wants. He is the slave. I am the Mistress. I made these rules for his own benefit, and I made these rules because they please me, and that should be his only concern: that they please me. And when Mistress says no to a horny slave, that means no.

If life were logical, I would have felt bad for cropping and scolding him. Instead, I felt much better. I felt back in control. He began to exhibit the proper submissive behavior. I no longer felt guilty about denying him sex. Much (not all, but much) was right with the world.

Acting dominant makes me feel more dominant, just as acting confident or sexy makes one feel so. Now I just have to figure out how to motivate myself to act this way when I am simply not feeling it at all. Slave helps by provoking me to punish him when he sees I'm feeling down, but sometimes this backfires and makes me feel guilty for wanting to punish him instead.

Perhaps as I get more used to this lifestyle, this will happen more naturally.

Your continuously learning Mistress K