Reflections on Cum Eating and TPE

A lot of people have said that the Mistress/slave relationship is about me getting what I want. This confuses me.

In case you haven’t read before, I’ll mention that I’m a pretty novice Mistress and that I might not be a Domme if my husband weren’t so very submissive. In other words, I’m a Mistress because my husband wants to be a slave. Do you see the contradiction yet?

As we reach the end of our first full month of continuous Mistress/slave living, I’ve tried to establish boundaries in my own mind. My slave repeated to me something he found in a blog (I unfortunately don’t know which one, or I’d give credit): That safewords aren’t necessary between a married, committed, loving Domme and sub because they know each other well enough, communicate well enough, and trust enough to know when enough is enough. Thinking back to a conversation we’d had in the shower that morning, I completely agreed. 

My husband, like most submissives, tends to respond to an orgasm by retracting all of his previously stated fantasies. Before an orgasm, he says he wants to be locked in chastity for a year straight; afterward he’s certain he isn’t quite ready for anything more than a week. Before an orgasm, he’s aroused by the idea of being forced to eat his own cum; afterward he’s disgusted by it and has no interest. On this particular day, that was the matter at hand. He could tell that I was becoming more accustomed to the idea of making him eat cum, though I’d been somewhat repelled by it when he first mentioned it and had no intention of doing it. (I don’t even let him cum in my mouth. I can’t help it; I find it disgusting. I wish I didn’t.) 

As he watched me getting used to the idea, he became nervous. “I know I don’t have a safeword,” he said that day in the shower. (I “took away” his safeword, at his own instigation, during a bondage scene years ago, before I really understood this lifestyle completely.) “But how will you know if I really don’t want to do something, instead of just being stubborn or embarrassed?” 

“I think I’ll just know,” I said without having to think about it at all. “You’re my husband. I’ll know the difference between ‘That’s gross but it still really arouses me,’ and ‘That does arouse me, but I really find it disgusting and I don’t think I want to do it again.’”

“True,” he agreed, and that was the end of that. 

Lo and behold: the next night, after reaching a blinding, exhausting climax using only my slave’s mouth and fingers, I decided he deserved a reward. He had done a lot for me that day, sexually, emotionally, and domestically. I was too sated to want to bother taking him inside me, though, so I decided that he could jerk off. To balance this overly generous gift (it was his second orgasm in one day), the caveat was that he would have to taste his cum afterward.

The face he made when I put my cum-filled finger in his mouth was comical. It was perfectly clear that this aroused neither of us. We determined that I might do this again, but only in a highly dominant scene of control and bondage. If he was tied spread-eagle, blindfolded, plugged in the ass, and gagged, then it might be arousing to force cum into his mouth through the gag. The atmosphere would be the deciding factor, though.

I don’t really get off on control. I just enjoy the perks of this female-led relationship. I enjoy having great orgasms without worrying about his. I enjoy having help with the housework. I enjoy getting back massages and brownies without having to ask. But I don’t derive any real pleasure from controlling him simply because I can. (My husband might disagree. And he might be right. That’s a debate for another day, though.)

This seems very contrary to some of the opinions I’ve seen expressed in various blogs and forums. I’ve noticed quite a few people—both dominant and submissive—stating that the slave should never be able to say no to anything, and that the complete power of forcing unwanted actions like eating cum is essential to the D/s relationship. Forcing J to do something for the sake of exercising my power, when he genuinely finds disgusting and not very arousing, just doesn’t seem fun to me. Maybe that makes me less of a Mistress.

I guess I am not much interested in definitions for now. I’m interested in enjoying an unusual and special relationship with my husband.

Mistress K